Ah Bit's theory of Self Love

February 23, 2010

Today, we had Cognitive Psychology class from 12 till 2. I had tutorial class before that, so I came pretty early to college for it. And from 2 till 4.30, i had to stayback cause i playing volleyball.

Therefore, i already made arrangement to go lunch with one of my friends. She initially said ok, but then ffk me later. lol.. so, instead of going out with the planned person, i had lunch together with Suk Pei and Ah Bit. And the ffk is a blessing in disguise because the conversation we had over lunch was oh-so-deep-and-awesome

we started the oh-so-deep-and-awesome conversation by talking first about relationships. Then it delves into our ideology of love and how we view relationships. For me, my ideology of a relationship is that once coupled up, i would try and make it longterm, or at least in the hope of having a long term relationship, and if possible, ultimately marriage. My goal therefore is longterm commitment

Ah Bit's ideology however is in stark contrast to mine. Her ideology of love is that in a relationship, she doesn't emphasize on long term commitment as much. The ultimate goal, for now at least, is happiness while in the relationship.

Suk Pei's ideology is more oriented towards mine, although probably less extreme. and we debated over this issue of how having different goals will lead to different outcomes. I said that by not having a goal, which is long term commitment, the relationship won't last. At the very least, we should be hopeful that the relationship will last for having hope is a kind of blessing. by not having this goal, it seems to me that the relationship is going nowhere, and just floating around.

She then said that there is no guarantee in relationships (which i agree, cause nothing in life is guaranteed) and not putting hope in the relationship would be good so as not to get hurt too much. as long as both parties are happy in the relationship, it's good enough.

we debated for pretty long actually and it's really amusing how deep our conversation goes. It's the first time me having such deep conversation with Bit, and i am very suprised about her ideology actually. well at least now i know. hahaha.

then we talked about pretty much of other things and somehow i said that i read before that people are actually looking for their 'shadow' in Jung-ian's term. simply put, people find opposites of themselves in a relationship, does not only apply to life partners, but also to friends.

then ah bit postulated her theory, which i call Ah Bit's theory of Self Love XD

She said that people love themselves the most. This is the premise of the whole theory. And therefore, when finding for partner, they find people who are probably similar to themselves (whether similar in terms of 'shadow' or not shadow). She then argued that people get angry and dissapointed because people loves themselves. Why do people get angry and dissapointed? Because the other party did not met with our own expectations. Because the other party did not do good enough. And when they don't do good enough, we are angry because we would want it to be done according to our expectations, because we love ourselves too much.

if you think about it, it does make sense. humans generally want to experience positive emotions as compared to negative emotions. There would be very little people who would want to experience anger and dissapointment if given a choice to choose. so therefore, there should be another greater source which involuntary triggers this negative emotions in us, and that would probably the love for ourselves.

plausible theory? i think pretty much. but it still doesn't explain why people would sacrifice their lives for love ones i suppose. In this sense, the love for other transcends our love for our own life. so probably not all humans loves themselves most. maybe a whole lot do love themselves most, but there are people who would love others more than themselves. nevertheless, a very intriguing theory XD

Nice chat nice chat..

God Bless~