Ah Bit's theory of Self Love

February 23, 2010

Today, we had Cognitive Psychology class from 12 till 2. I had tutorial class before that, so I came pretty early to college for it. And from 2 till 4.30, i had to stayback cause i playing volleyball.

Therefore, i already made arrangement to go lunch with one of my friends. She initially said ok, but then ffk me later. lol.. so, instead of going out with the planned person, i had lunch together with Suk Pei and Ah Bit. And the ffk is a blessing in disguise because the conversation we had over lunch was oh-so-deep-and-awesome

we started the oh-so-deep-and-awesome conversation by talking first about relationships. Then it delves into our ideology of love and how we view relationships. For me, my ideology of a relationship is that once coupled up, i would try and make it longterm, or at least in the hope of having a long term relationship, and if possible, ultimately marriage. My goal therefore is longterm commitment

Ah Bit's ideology however is in stark contrast to mine. Her ideology of love is that in a relationship, she doesn't emphasize on long term commitment as much. The ultimate goal, for now at least, is happiness while in the relationship.

Suk Pei's ideology is more oriented towards mine, although probably less extreme. and we debated over this issue of how having different goals will lead to different outcomes. I said that by not having a goal, which is long term commitment, the relationship won't last. At the very least, we should be hopeful that the relationship will last for having hope is a kind of blessing. by not having this goal, it seems to me that the relationship is going nowhere, and just floating around.

She then said that there is no guarantee in relationships (which i agree, cause nothing in life is guaranteed) and not putting hope in the relationship would be good so as not to get hurt too much. as long as both parties are happy in the relationship, it's good enough.

we debated for pretty long actually and it's really amusing how deep our conversation goes. It's the first time me having such deep conversation with Bit, and i am very suprised about her ideology actually. well at least now i know. hahaha.

then we talked about pretty much of other things and somehow i said that i read before that people are actually looking for their 'shadow' in Jung-ian's term. simply put, people find opposites of themselves in a relationship, does not only apply to life partners, but also to friends.

then ah bit postulated her theory, which i call Ah Bit's theory of Self Love XD

She said that people love themselves the most. This is the premise of the whole theory. And therefore, when finding for partner, they find people who are probably similar to themselves (whether similar in terms of 'shadow' or not shadow). She then argued that people get angry and dissapointed because people loves themselves. Why do people get angry and dissapointed? Because the other party did not met with our own expectations. Because the other party did not do good enough. And when they don't do good enough, we are angry because we would want it to be done according to our expectations, because we love ourselves too much.

if you think about it, it does make sense. humans generally want to experience positive emotions as compared to negative emotions. There would be very little people who would want to experience anger and dissapointment if given a choice to choose. so therefore, there should be another greater source which involuntary triggers this negative emotions in us, and that would probably the love for ourselves.

plausible theory? i think pretty much. but it still doesn't explain why people would sacrifice their lives for love ones i suppose. In this sense, the love for other transcends our love for our own life. so probably not all humans loves themselves most. maybe a whole lot do love themselves most, but there are people who would love others more than themselves. nevertheless, a very intriguing theory XD

Nice chat nice chat..

God Bless~

CNY part 5

My CNY celebration doesn't seem to stop does it? XD

February 20th, 2010

Went to visit my godparents today. And boy, Florence have changed a lot. :X wouldn't recognize her on the street. hahahaha..

so went there, talk talk talk, talk about studies, work, politics, job prospects etc. etc. after about an hour of talking, went home. and i thought we were going to have lunch with them.. lol. Fourth day travelling on Federal Highway. zzzz.. me and Federal friend friend during CNY whey.. lol

so came home, and i then went to Suet Lai's house to bai nian. actually go there gamble only la. XD XD. so reached her house, and then gamble for a while. Tristan, Soon, Shawn, Wai Shin, Kei Kei, Mun Kiat and Foo was there.

Suet's luck wasn't good i suppose. lol.. she always lose. XD then after a while, went for lunch. Her mum prepared lunch for us and asked us to finish the dishes, cause they going out for dinner. And we did finish most of the dishes. Then only we know that the parents and the uncle haven't eaten lunch yet. =.=; gg.com lol.. but too late ady.. XD paiseh

then gamble again.. muahaha.. Suet's dad came down and joined us, and lose also.. ngek ngek. last year won our money.. this year pay back. muahahaha.. looks like the shouting of HUAT AH in FB worked a little la eh? except for Soon. XD

God Bless~

CNY part 4

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Went out with my college gang. Tropicana City was the destination for Valentines Day, and i drove there by myself. Reached there, and then met up with Jian and Jia Leng, and waited for others to come.

So came, and then went in to watch the movie. The movie was just a-owhkay, not really awesome also. But still got me comtemplating on a few stuffs la :) then after movie, we went to have dinner at central point. the dinner was owhkay only as well. hahaha.. but no tax, and drink tea was awesome i suppose ^^

Jia Leng's spaghetti

Jian's 1?

I think lam's 1. lol

And this is mine :D

after dinner, we went to Evie's house, and gambled. jeng jeng jeng.. the point of the whole outing. XD play play, win lose.. and finally lost money. Evie menang whey. roar! and finally we went back at 11. drove back home, around 11.40 already. thank God for the safe journey :)

Third day travelling on Federal highway. lol

God Bless~

CNY Part 3

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Woke up early and bath. Supposed to send my uncle to hospital for checked up, and then while he is doing his stuff, go visit my godparents. After bathing, got to know that we are not going to my godparent's house. But still need to send uncle to hospital. So me and my dad went and pick him up from PJ, and then went to Tun Hussien Onn hospital/clinic.

While there, i read an interesting magazine. the name of the magazine is Calibre and it's interesting because it doesn't talk about fashion, nor the current economics, nor about health, nor about men or women, and definitely not about cars. So what does it talk about? It talks about Earth. :D

inside are articles regarding war, poverty, global warming etc. and i took particular interest in the section where they talked about war. war is devastating, and it really seems that we, people who are war free can't do anything about it. but the writer postulates an idea

probably, just probably what we can and should do, is to know more about these happenings. To keep in mind that such an event are happening around the world. By keeping in touch with current happenings and putting it at our conscious, we probably could have layers of awareness. Layers and layers of awareness, would probably generate ideas, and ideas over ideas from many people, might probably produce an action.

the above paragraph is a rough recollection of what i remember the writer saying. hopefully it is still correct at it's core. :X but it is at the very least an interesting proposal.

then after that, went back home, and cousins were waiting for us to have lunch. It's already about 3 o clock, and then we went to Tsim Tung to eat lunch. by the time we finish, it's already about 4 o clock.. lol..

some of my friends were already at Wai Shin's house gambling.. and i wanted to go.. muahahaha.. so after lunch, i went to Wai Shin's house to gamble. Good to see some friends whom i don't normally see like Ruth and Kong. gamble gamble, win a bit la.. lol.. then balik rumah

while we celebrating happily, let's not forget that there are people who are still suffering on the other half of the world. another meaningful CNY day :)

God Bless~

CNY part 2

17th Feb 2010

I guess this marks the real meaningful celebration for me this year. This is the start of the Lentern season, and it's Ash Wednesday. So Catholics all around the world should fast and abstain from whatever they would want to (normally it's food la).

I woke up, and then took my bath and get ready, because i have lunch with one of my friends. So after bath, i read newspaper and when i went to my room and looked at my phone, my friend said that she would want to sleep in a little longer, so push back the meeting time to 1 o clock. so i online and do some stuffs before going off

i drove and picked her up and good thing i didn't get lost.. muahahaha.. so picked her up, and discussed on where to eat.. discuss discuss, we finally settled on going to a shop in Alam Damai which sells pork related products. So drove there, and the shop is closed.. lol..

so the discussion arises yet again, where and what to eat. drove around and around, and finally settled on going to cineleisure to eat sushi. after going there, it somehow turned to not eating sushi anymore. We wanted to eat something which we normally don't eat.. so there were 2 options. Either TGIF or Marche (hopefully correct spelling). So since we were undecided, we played scissors paper stone. if i win, it's marche, and if she won, it's TGIF. conclusion is we went to Marche and it's her first time there, while it's my second.

food was owhkay, but what i love about it was how we drink tea and talked and talked and talked. i normally don't drink english tea, but it isn't that bad. ^^ if we had more time, i guess we would still sit and talk until dinner comes. But i had to go home and head for church as it's Ash Wednesday. So we left at 4.

fetched her back, and then drove home safely, without getting lost again. No jam. yay!

attended mass at Sacred Heart church, and the priest said that this is not the season of sadness, but rather a season of renewal. Incidentally, i do feel renewed inside out. Since the yum cha session at lookout point to today's lunch session. I finally see my life as coming together. Understanding the meaning of life, friends, money and God.

i suddenly feel that i have neglected my spirituality for a pretty long time. I was religious, in the sense that i do my duties and obligations, but spiritually empty. now, my spirituality is coming back i suppose. i need to fix my relationship with my Master, and not let the world clutter my mind. And through this understanding of these many things, I think i found peace :)

AWESOME DAY!!

God Bless~

Chinese New Year

This year's chinese new year is a little bit different. It's not like normal and therefore i thought it would be pretty boring. But I could never be more wrong. It probably is one of the best CNY i ever had :)

Normally, my chinese new year goes like this. Reunion dinner with my extended family, at my grandma's place. Then on the first day of Chinese New Year, will go to grandma's place again in the morning, after attending church, and in the afternoon/evening, go down to Melaka.

This year however, the reunion dinner is just with my nucleus family members together with my oldest aunt. Reason is because my grandma passed away last year. And a thought dawned upon me this very year.

What will happen 30 years down the road? If let's say both of my sisters were married, would I have to celebrate new year eve all alone if i am not married? It's a very scary thought.

Carrying on with my celebration, after the dinner, we went straight to Melaka. That very night. Because my younger sis would need to go back to NS camp, and therefore, time is pretty of essence to us.

The first day of CNY, we went down to Batu Pahat to visit relatives, and it's great to see them, especially my cousins, and their children (my nephews and nieces). It's a one day trip, but pretty nice la. At least we get to see each other once in a while. Then after that, we went back to Melaka.

Normally during the first day of CNY, my cousins' cousins will come over to Melaka to stay over too, and we cousins and cousins' cousins will gamble. It's almost like a yearly gathering and it's one of the things i love most about Chinese New Year. XD But this year, they didn't arrive on the first day, and therefore no gambling with them. Next year ba..

Second day of CNY (Monday), came back to KL, cause sister need go back camp on the following day. And i rotted at home. Having pretty much emotional turmoil about some stuffs and on tuesday night, i super randomly ask Lam whether he's free that night and whether he would want to go Genting. just for walk walk, and then come down back.. XD

He seemed suprised (who wouldn't right?). I also asked Jian and he was suprised as well cause he asked me 'what happen to u?' XD finally we settled for a yum cha session at Lookout Point. It was an awesome posem time spent cause i really need some air due to my emo-ness. Talked a lot, nice ambience, cooling and emo-ness starts to fade off. I belanja them, but suprisingly very little cognitive dissonance. hahaha.. i normally don't spend on people. and this probably starts off as my turning point in CNY, from what i thought would be boring celebration this year, to something really meaningful..

more reasons on why it's meaningful in upcoming posts

God Bless~

Dissapointement and gratefulness

Acting for 1 day thought me 1 thing. I CAN'T ACT. Or at least not at this moment. It's tough.. really tough.. i have the picture in my head, i try to act, but it doesn't show. probably some scenes can.. but most of it can't.. especially ......

dissapointed in how i failed to carry out my role. no chemistry at all.. really cacatfying la.. ish.. i just hope the movie after editing would turn out owhkay. I don't need it to be awesome, i just need it to be adequate. Wei hong asked me to not self condemn so much. i hope i could, i tried, but i didn't manage to? anyway.. it's done and what's done is done. so.. such is life la..

so what did i get? let's see..

face, neck and arm sunburnt. everytime i walked down the stairs, my thighs scream with pain.. and my tummy is painful too.. so cannot really cough, sneeze or laugh :X shoulders are tired.. even with serious volleyball training also i don't feel this much pain.. i have been complacent.. hahaha.. thigh got muscle cramp yesterday and it's so painful that i wanted to rip apart that pants.. but my leg got stuck.. didn't manage to take out the pants.. but eventually the pain subsides, and then slowly managed to take off the pants. k let's change focus..

I would want to say a few thank yous here. don't know whether they will read this, but it's my appreciation to them

1) Wei Hong aka Kang Kang - he is the cameraman, director, choreographer, editor and... oh well.. i think he did most of the things, except acting. XD THANK YOU!!! i don't know what will happen without u

2) Rachel Tan Ai Ling - behind every man, there is a lady? muahahaha.. Wei Hong's gf. :p she helped him to set up stuffs and discuss things with him. so she plays a pretty big part too...

3) Annie Chew Cha Loo - for finding her friends (Kang kang, rachel, samantha, nunu, felix and clement) to help out. and also for taking the female lead role. most importantly, for being patient with me while i am the 'pariah' boyfriend

4) Samantha - for working together with wei hong and rachel. the 3 musketeers. XD

5) Dewi and Xinrou - for buying food for us. you probably felt really bored doing nothing most of the time but i really appreciate you being there until everything ends. :)

6) Coral - the prop master. thank you for assembling all the props together. i guess it's really pretty well coordinated..

7) Liggy - coordinator.. err.. she keeps calling people? XD give morning call, check where we are in the morning. check where people are in the evening..

8) Clement, Nunu, Felix, Daniel and Nicholas - thank you for all your effort. it's fun working with u all.. funny, playful, and some can act better than me i guess. we would not have pulled it through without u all inside

9) Pang Hui Sin - thanks for lending your place as a venue for our shooting (Thanks Leong for it too and the tv set). and thank you for your... money? wakakakaka XD

10) Ng Ai Li - thanks for helping finding Ju Wen, and Aunt Annie :D

THANK YOU ALL PEOPLE!!!!

and my million apologies for my mistakes and super H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. acting

God Bless~

A life lived in fear is a life half lived

Today during class, we watched Strictly Ballroom, and it's a nice show. Watched it before during social psych class, but now watch it again. One of the phrase that comes out often is this phrase

A life lived in fear is a life half lived

Let's put some thoughts onto that phrase shall we? In the context of the story, the message that it wants to gets across to us audience is that we should strive to fulfill our dreams and should not fear of living out our dreams. It's a good quote, and a good advice, but to me, it seems unrealistically optimistic.

Fear is a good thing. Or at least i think it is. Fear makes us learn. Fear makes us think of the consequences of things before acting upon a decision. If we don't fear, then we don't learn and act without thinking. Without fear, there will be no order in this world. In fact, many principles of today's life works on this premise.

Law is one of those. Punishment for people who commit crime is based on fear. The argument is that if the people fear the punishment, then they would be less likely to commit crimes. whether or not the punishment is justly made is another matter all together, but that's the basic premise of law i suppose.

by being fearful, one would need to think of the repercussion. but where is the line between being brave and acting stupid? scolding people in front of a crowd, brave or stupid? confessing one's love to another who, where it's almost impossible for the 2 to have a relationship, brave or stupid? pursuing one's dream without thinking much of the consequences, brave or stupid?

No easy answer.. and there is always no easy answer to questions like this :S

God Bless~

Update

Ah.. finally some space to breath.. i suddenly realize that i am so free now. But haven't do my thesis yet.. better get working.. gg.com..

today i was sitting in the bus, from college on my way to bangsar lrt.. and when the bus reaches menara millenium there.. in front of kfc, the bus need to come to a stop because this super smart lorry driver decided to double park. so the bus can't go through because sure will hit the lorry.

the bus driver honk honk honk.. no one comes out.. honk honk honk somemore.. and still no one comes to claim the beloved lorry. then he tried to squeeze his way through, but then cannot la.. the mirror of the bus will surely bang with the lorry's mirror. so, he did something dramatic..

jeng jeng jeng... drums roll.....

he went up the divider. and the whole bus was tilted to the left.. SO COOL!! now how many of you people have the privilege to experience something like that? XD only Malaysian bus drivers can do that k. Malaysia Boleh!!

Well, i really admire the bus driver to a certain extent la... i don't blame him.. it's the lorry driver who choose to double park which is.. aih.. don't know what to say.

on my way home, in the lrt, i saw one student in particular, holding a file and inside the file, she pasted the picture of Rukia (one of the shinigami in Bleach). and i thought back of myself.. when i was her age, i used to paste pictures which i like too... last time, i paste picture of dragon ball, and Ann (one of the characters in Harvest Moon: Back to Nature). XD

so that's that..

CNY is coming.. and seems like this year's CNY will be a little bit different as compared to previous years. What shall i do? :X hope everything will go smooth on wed

God Bless~

This thing call stress

The past week have been pretty stressful for me. Lots of planning, works to do and future works to do. If only the Know Youself assignment is due next week, i guess i can write 2 full pages of stress diary. XD

It's like suddenly there is so many things to concentrate at one time and seems to have no time to rest.

1) Need to plan for filming - do script, meeting. revise script, meeting. revise script, meeting. Buy props, plan time, venue, find actors. Deal with some emotional turmoil. me as group leader and main actor :X if i can't act well how? time is running out and need to complete as soon as possible.

2) need to plan for cognitive psych - writing the ERB is hard :S cause everything also main hentam masuk. rationale? err.. "find journal, find journal" (Teh, 2010). need find and churn journal.

3) Know Yourself assignment - due yesterday. and presented yesterday also. i didn't think i did well. pretty dissapointed.. should have choose to present next week. :X have been doing this assignment since like.. 2 weeks i think

4) Thesis - haven't do neccessary changes to my thesis. After getting approval from ERB, practically have done nothing. cham lo

5) Academic tutor - tutoring this semester and need to see tutees. took up quite some time. also checked some of the thesis my friends have done. also took some time giving feedbacks.

6) need to complete assignment 1 for film - due next week.

7) volleyball - hmm...

On a positive side, i guess there is some excitement. Especially in the movie making. hahaha.. hopefully my acting skills pass la. if not really don't know what to do. need to act lovey dovey some more XD

pretty recently, i managed to talked to a friend who have been pretty just hi bye friend. and it's amazing how we can talk about stuff so deep that i don't tell anyone else. and she did reveal to me stuffs that are pretty deep as well. i don't know whether she tells that to other people, but to me it's a pleasant suprise how normally we don't talk, and suddenly we can have such deep conversation. i shared with her some of my sakit hatiness.. and yea la.. what to do? sakit hati :X
and we shared how both of us are so stupid... hahahaha..

ok time to get back to assignment

God Bless~