History

I don't know since when, but i am starting to miss history. No not the lesson, but my own past experience... as the old people always say 'the good oool days'

life last time was stress-less.. no no.. let me rephrase it.. it's less stress cause as Goh (2009) said, stress is always there, unless you are either dead, or you simply don't care. see.. i blog also need to talk bout Goh.. stress not?

i still remember how college life was so fun and less stressful. during foundation and 1st year, studies was owhkay and eventhough there were some stresses here and there, there is no major stress. as far as i could remember.

volleyball then was stressless. let me repeat this.. STRESSLESS. hahaha.. cause there is no competition, and also, i wasn't the person in charge. So i just go and play, rain or shine, little or many people. i still remember then the court was always filled with laughter. eventhough the turnout might be not encouraging, we still always manage to have fun. that's because we were just playing for fun, and not really training.

nowadays, things are more uptight, more things to achieve, more goals to be met, higher expectations. and ultimately more stress. Study wise, as well as the commitment of being who i am. but although there are more stress, there are also good things.

it's good that we can compete, a lot more than i can ever imagine 2 years back. before this, i could never imagine that i will be always looking out for tournaments to participate in. it's also good that the volleyballers are having quite a strong bond. ok not all of them, but some of them. this really made me glad.

to describe my transformation, i guess it's like a soldier in battlefield, or a young activist. we set out with a big dream, of having something great, of transforming and making things better. thinking of how we can change people's live for the better.

but when reality sets in, things are not as what they seem. soldiers who are suppose to protect civilians kills civilians instead. activist who fight for what he/she thinks is right is sometimes seen as wrongdoers. and in the process of trying to achieve their goal, they themselves have transformed into someone else.

have i changed? i think i have, but i won't put a value of whether it's good or bad. i guess it's just like what Lulu (a character in Final Fantasy 10) said

"If you want everything, you will end up with nothing"

But i really do want everything.. hahaha... well i guess such is life. there is no perfect solution to everything is there?

God Bless~